When the hard thing comes we still must trust God. Once again the unexpected has happened. G has been diagnosed with low grade myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS) ~ bone marrow failure.
Myelodysplastic syndromes are a group of diseases that affect the bone marrow and blood. Some types of MDS are mild and easily managed, while other types are severe and life-threatening. Mild MDS can grow more severe over time. It can also develop into fast-growing, severe leukemia called acute myelogenous leukemia (AML).
It has caused refractory anemia with ringed sideroblasts which we are told has the best prognosis of all the subcatagories of MDS. G’s bone marrow is hypercellular making too many red blood cells (RBC) which are all immature/defective. Red blood cells deliver oxygen to the body. G’s hemoglobin is 7.3 and should be at 14. He’s not getting enough oxygen, yet his body has learned to compensate and function on less. Besides the anemia, his only outward symptom is fatigue and shortness of breath when climbing stairs. However, he is slowly approaching the need for a blood transfusion.
This explains everything – the fatigue, the sluggish thought process, delayed reflexes and occasional confusion. It wasn’t my imagination after all! I knew he wasn’t functioning up to par while he was driving us around the USA this past year. When I expressed my concern G and others thought I was being hard on him. I feared that he was showing signs of Alzheimers. Something just wasn’t right.
Our chuckwagon adventure has taken us down a bumpy side road; an unexpected detour leading us into the valley of the shadow of death. Suddenly, we’ve gone from anticipating G’s knee replacement and dreams of future hiking adventures to consults with hematologists and oncologists. How did we get here?
At the end of August, we traveled down to Georgia so G could have his total knee replacement. We went to the hospital for preoperative bloodwork and attended Joint Class. The following week we met with G’s orthopedic surgeon to discuss the upcoming surgery. The preop bloodwork revealed low blood counts. The knee surgery was canceled, and the surgeon sent G to see his primary care physician (PCP). A complete blood workup revealed even lower counts, and the PCP referred us to a hematologist (physician who studies blood).
Once G was turned over to a hematologist at the cancer specialists, the needle on our fear meter rose. When the hematologist scheduled G for a bone marrow biopsy the needle on my fear meter rose even more and began quivering. I started doing research. The waiting was the hardest; waiting for laboratory results, waiting for the bone marrow biopsy, waiting for the biopsy results and diagnosis.
Early on, before the scheduled bone marrow biopsy I had a brief meltdown. I was alone driving around doing errands. Panic overwhelmed me as I tried to imagine my life without G. What would I do? How could I support myself? Where would I go? I’ve had so little experience towing our 37-foot fifth wheel; how could I hitch up and tow it anywhere by myself? I started to cry and told God I did not possess the confidence to carry on without G.
God and I had a little talk. My thoughts were racing too far ahead. I needed to take one day at a time. God would give me the grace and peace to live one day at a time if I would just trust Him. I’ve not had any more meltdowns.
G is the picture of a heart experiencing perfect peace; the peace that passes all understanding spoken of in the Bible. I’ve seen a few silent tears slide down G’s cheeks from time to time, but he is calmly trusting God hour by hour.
When friends and family contact us and express their concern, this is how G responds. “I truly am in God’s hands and will be throughout eternity. He orders my steps and directs my paths and He loves me and does nothing wrong. I rest in Him.”
“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.” ~ Isaiah 26:3-4 (NIV)
We have another consult with the hematologist this week regarding treatment, and we have an upcoming appointment to see an oncologist for a second opinion. Meanwhile, we will live one day at a time trusting in God who knows all our needs.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)
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“Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” ~ Phil 4:4-7 (The Message)
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“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” ~ Psalms 139: 13-16 (NIV)
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"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name.
You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end — Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you."
~ Isaiah 43:1b-4 (The Message)
